Of Words and Wishes

My wishes are dragons
Breathing fire,
All consuming
Sometimes violent
Always intense!

My words, they lag
They linger
They've gorged on too much emotion-
They're dead-weights sinking in the
Mire
Of too much meaning.

Then they meet.
Those wishes, seeking words.

For all fire, for all the fire
And all their intensity
Nothing quite comes to be.
Dragons are too much of a myth
Too scorned. 

My wishes.
How different would they be!

And so, seeking that sense
Of being real; of being tangible
The dragons meet the words.

And the predictable happens -
Violence in words, and
Emotionally handicapped dragons.
Words spewing fire. 

I could have stopped it.
Them.
The meeting.

But perversity. Ah, the very thing.
How it haunts and pokes
And pushes. Me.

Right over the edge.

Till the trails of wispy smoke
Tell you, if at all you care-

The wishes met the words.
And consummated
The love that never was to be.

9 June, 2014 

Flickering Candle, Immeasurable Light

In the deep distant expanse
That I traverse within, I find
No light.

The pit, the darkness, sometimes
Does comfort. It helps to know I cannot see.
Eyes, inward, heart hurting, seeking
Absolution, from emptiness.

And then it glows. You do. You.
Broken journey; you make me halt.
You light that candle, that shines into-
Not just without, but within.

I'm forced to acknowledge; blink;
You cannot know how that hurts.
Even from a flickering candle. It does.

When I cannot but live with so little,
How will I ever measure up to that
Which you give? But take I must.
Live, I shall.

The choice has been made.
I will merge into your light,
Seeking that shade, which I yearn for.

But.
Darkness was so comforting.

20 February, 2012

Closure

As with Kundera's

Unbearable lightness of being

So with the openness

That begets such heaviness
I face blankness

The vastness of a suddenly vacant consciousness
The vanished vanquished vanity
Of an arrogant artful me
All knowing I was
Oh How I Was

Till this dot of time
A Period
To punctuate a life that flowed
Unhesitatingly, unbeknown to lightness
Of heart, Of feeling, Of being.

Lighter of my excess emotional baggage
I sag. Not lift.
I lag. And drift.

Seeking closure. That which
Will never be, seeing that
I could never
Never
Never let you go.
Ever.



19 January, 2011
Online. Assaying antithetical presumptuous nonsense :D

Totem

There, within the heart
When all else blacks out
Is the one single thought.
You.

That keeps me real.
That makes me whole.
Fantasy
Reality
Cold and warm.

As I sink into the
Ripple of a dream-
Tipping back, gently
Enveloped by waves
Of Consciousness, that
Touch, caress, and leave...

My body feels lighter
Yet, I sink, slip
Under the surface
Groping, looking
Searching, seeking

For that something
I have lost- and
Need to own, to be
Myself.
Once again.

And in that dream
I share with you
I find that - my heart
With yours - when you
Rise, to sink with me-
When we wake together...

Into that perfect conjoining
Of a jigsaw puzzle
The parts to the whole

Being that tangible totem
Of consciousness...
Then we know.

That we always did.


20 July to 8 August, 2010

***
Totally (and obviously :D) inspired by "Inception"; actually the totem concept was fascinating, and I have yet to get over how mesmerizing the whole idea of the totem is, in reality!

The Coming Together

From a speck where it all started
Blossoming - an amalgam of a spectrum
Exploding into existence,
Then shrinking into familiarity
The colours vivid, the emotions livid,
What's within, and what's without
All there, and none at all!

Contradictions abound.
I am you, and you Me!
I soak in that Wonder-
That we have enriched
Each other- through the
Memories our cells carry
Back to the womb of Creation!

Her Thought! Are we That?
From the maturity of perfection in creation
Do we degenerate into the immaturity of a life?

Each cell we posses, not ours
Each person, Her own, hers alone?
Of isolation, of belonging
Of coming together, in That Heaven
Parts of whole, whence we came
To where we

Never can return?




8 July, 2010

Edited to add :)
After re reading Siddharth's comment, I came back to a few posts I had here, much earlier :) Just to share an uncanny (maybe not so much, after all... :) cell memory :D!)
Malaise

Evolving

Homing In

*Conditions Apply

The invitation was clear
In that look we shared;
And mesmerized, we made
That Deal.

And yes, we were, and have been
And still are, all that we could be...

But to each other?
That look, we look, yet again, for it
Hoping against hope...

For when we scripted,
While we enacted...
We overlooked the line
Between lines...

*Conditions Apply




Online, 1 pm, 20 June, 2010

Eternally Timeless

I shall ever be The Outsider.
Looking on, Looking within.
Never to come home.
Never to slip into the warmth
Unaffected, blissfully blithe, bold.
Never to loudly claim possession.
Or gleefully discard with shouts of laughter.

For I may be sure of You, and Me
Us, for sure!
But not the vagrant devil, Time.
How it plays, teases, promises
And then shatters.

Into the space of being-
Of the breath indrawn
Are the million shards of emptiness...
Sent out by time, to hurt into awareness-
The knowledge that I have grown out.
Out, of myself-
To have lost myself.
In time.




9 February, 2010

Me? Or I?

Coiled within, deep down
Unwilling to unravel
Is me.

Is me; or, is it I?
It must be me-
Subdued, subjugated
Submerged, subservient...

Not I, when I have been
Above all that, which dared
To subject, to assail,
To undermine, to negate.

Indeed, I was,
Had been, the One
Who'd seen it all.
All? Hollow laughter escapes
My heart, laden with
Molten emotion.

Like those drops of mercury
They curiously cohere-
Gathering within, drowning
Filling, but never spilling.

Oh no! They're too guarded,
Too careful, to ever despoil-
To be so uncouth, as to bare themselves.

Me. Blanketed-
Waiting for I, with You.
To stir me. Energize. Vibrate.
And will, into that
Ultimate Union- when I and me
Become You.




9 February, 2010

Life... less

If life this be...
Endless yet tunnelled
Into a claustrophobic
Vortex of existence;

Am I?
Or better yet...

Will I ever be?

The cranium floods
With nerve ends tingling
Arcs over synapses
Tingling
Tingling...

Terrifying me.

Life, I must admit
Shall be
My undoing.





Online, on a silly line of thought :)
13 September, 2009

Knife

The knife twists in the wound
As I sit and watch

The pen scratches on paper
And I still feel inexperienced.



Undated

Malaise?

If a cell is a unit of memory
Surrounded by matter...
I must be a memory map
Unforgiving
Insensate and eternal!

If a cell, then, dies
Does that part of me
Get lost forever?

Are you and your
Thoughts
In me

A

Cancer?

An
Unpredictable
Mutation?

Dear Me!

For, do I lose..

In that Carcinoma
When you overwhelm?

Or find myself
Fairly inundated
Terminally
As you seep into
Every nook and
Cranny of my
Consciousness?

Tell me
Dear One,

How will I ever
Cure myself

Of you?




7 January, 2009
****

Post Script:

Just posted this last night on the Ah Poetry comm., after an AGE, on Orkut, and so I had to share it here, as I usually do :)

Read this one? For you especially, Dhiren :)

Here

***

Formless

He came with the dawn,
Early morning mist-
A hazy form:
vague nothingness,
slowly taking shape!

My long night was
nearing light-
I knew, the sun
was just behind him.

Trapped in my darkness
I could do nothing,
but wait...
Endlessly, it seemed.

I wondered.
Did he know?
Was that why he came?

And I waited.

Wondering
why, suddenly, the steps
seemed unsure
faltering-

And the mist grew thick!

Still trapped in
my darkness
I knew
I would have to burn-
so that he could see light,
and part the mist again.

Only, I hope, he will forgive me
for being formless,
when he finally gets here.

5 June, '07

Untitled

A wounded bird
Abandoned and
Exiled.

He tried too hard-
They said.
Not knowing he
only wanted his
sole self freed.

He sinned and
paid the price,
They crowed
righteously.
Not knowing how
much their inner voices
protested-
Fools, don't you realize
he only tried to make you see!

A patch of shade
Thankfully graced
his self.
Weary, yet serene,
he looked up-

Still pleading.
A prayer, spontaneous
escaped his parched self.

Forgive them, dear Lord
For they know not what they do.

The utterance sealed his fate-
As the angry mob descended
in a dark cloud.

It was time.
He simply surrendered.

To live again a thousand times
In each heart, that pecked him
to oblivion.


25 August, 07

***

Chiaroscuro

I am the light
You say, that has lit up
A life, and blotted out the
Shadows.

A cliché no less,
Am I that, alone?

Be that as it may
Don't shadows sometimes comfort?
In the recesses of their being?
Hide, and warm old
Memories, never letting you forget
The Pain, that intensified
The Joy!

No,
I shall not mouth another
Cliché, in return;
Though perhaps, I'd like to
Think that having your
Shade, and basking in
The Shadow, that is you
Has cooled my fevered existence
And given me that
Space, to hide.

Nay, blend, more like
Blend my light with your shade,
To ripple on, endlessly
Like the chiaroscuro
Playing on the shallow sand
Of the lapping lake, of existence.




26 November, 2008

***
The muse did visit, early 26th, November, but by the time I thought of sharing this one, hell's highway was happening in Mumbai.

Sacrifice

So why does the silk worm spin
Yarns of purity in lustrous strands?
The sole purpose of its existence-
Oozing itself out,
Not for itself, but Never!

Only to serve a higher purpose
At the cost of its own self.

The blade of grass-
That sustains the food chain.

The Ants, zealous, uncomplaining
Disciplined, unquestioning;

Nature and the Lord's many creations,
Except, perhaps, man.

Look around, dear Child:

Do they ask,

Why me?

10 March, 2008

Ode - I

If it could be like this

Always-

You and me and happiness
till past
Eternity.

If it didn't have to be
play-acting,
make-believe:
just an interlude
in the misty, nebulous
world of dreams!

If only all this
were true-
that you're still with me
walking this road together...

I miss you, my friend.
The part of me that you were
Will always be yours..
Till that promised

Past Eternity...




10 December, '85

*********

Picture, Courtesy: profile.myspace.com

A re-post again... :) Pushed up from the bottom of the list, in February when this was first posted. Just came across this today and decided to refresh it :)

This write has a sequel of sorts :)... Do read, if time and inclination permit:)

Ode - II

*********

An Option!

Perched on the edge of sanity
Is a bit of eclectic thought
A bit that is quite entirely me-
Wondering if it were not better
To fall off the precipice of conformity
And wallow in the sheer wanton world
Of a seamless, rule-less, liberation
In being only a soul; naked of the body
Soaked in the stupor of endless ecstasy

Of discovering that


16 June, 2008

***

Please don't stone me dear readers, for, as you guessed it :), I'm just airing another that got lost in the pile here:)

Perhaps you'd like to read these too, if you have the time:

Fathomless

Homing In

Evolving

A Question

Conundrum

Wild laughter and
Melancholy sighs
Soft words and
Blank stares
Niggling doubts and
Hearty reassurance

Love, revisited.
Life, undone.



28 September 2008

In Redemption

Expulsion, into exposure.
Naked stand notions.

Thoughts thrashing
Through screaming silence.

Your copious consolation;
Or casual concern?

In emotion electrified,
Yet redeeming regret;

I find favour finally-

Deeded to Death.





7 August, '07

To Be or Not

A worm spawns
from the filth.

A single purpose.
Devour, simply.
Simplify.

Quite ignorant
of the higher purpose-
the potential.

The worm has no choice
but upgrade.

Having no choices
Is sometimes a blessing.

9 July, '07