Beyond Sepia Dreams

For the world
My eyes shut,
Forever.

It shut, with
That picture
Of you,
Imprinted forever.

The vision
That was you,
On our wedding day.

And now,
The vision, of you
Waiting to enfold me,
Further down
Where the light shines bright
At the tunnel's end.

My eyes shut
For the world;
But awakened
To Eternity
And you.

The glow that suffused
Your presence-
The love that emanated-
The union of our souls
Drenched in the
Supreme emotion
Of the Knowledge:

That our merging
Into the Oneness
Of Each Other was
Of two halves
Finding the Perfect Whole.

My Sepia Dreams
Finally dissolved,
Into Us.







Usha, 28 February, '08

Sepia Dreams

A sepia coloured
Photograph
In that old album
Is all I can touch
Of you,
Now.

Cross-legged on the floor;
In your bridal finery-
A wistful expression-
Dreamy, anticipating
Perhaps, the myriad dreams
To unfold and blossom.

Your chin resting
On your palm,
That cupped your face-
Pointed, alluring!

I remember that moment-
Well!
If it were not for my mother
Standing behind us,
It would have been
My hands cupping your face!
And...

Hush!
I quieten the
Welling storm of memories.

I never told you
How lovely you looked,
That moment!

And now,
When I say it,
I wonder, can you hear?

And longingly wait
For that moment,
When I will.

Finally.
When I meet you,
In eternity.




Usha, 26 February '08

Freedom?

Freedom?
Is that what you want?

Freedom!
From what?

From
Shackles of responsibility?
But then,
Isn't freedom responsibility?

From
Bonds of love and pain?
Ah!
Isn't that what frees you
From yourself?

Freedom, please,
You say,
From all Earthly Dimensions!

Sure, you Can!

Just pay the price-
The price of a Life:
Lived Well!!

Accept responsibility;
Live, Love, Feel-

And that,
You'll see-
Will set you free!






Usha, April, 2007

Utterance

If what I say
Is known to you-
Do I need to say it
At all?

If what I say
Shall hurt you-
Must I say it?
Even if it be truth?

And what I may say;
If it be untruth,
All the more reason
I know-
To Not!

My words can
Scarce say
What my silence will.

This communion
Is what I know
I must employ.

But darn!
Silence in itself
Is far too powerful
For me to handle-

And so, I fall back
On words, once again
Which, in my
foolish arrogance
I believe, I can control.

Not realizing,
How these, like arrows,
Will hit, and never
Never return.

And no amount
Of silence,
Can ever heal;
Then.



Usha, 19 February 2008

An Acknowledgement

An unnamed despair
Gnaws my insides.
Desolate and alone-
Suddenly.

Unknowing, yet
Unceasing is the
Numbness.

A thick haze of
Self-piteous vapours
Fogs my consciousness;
And all I want
Is to seek
The darkest corner
Of Isolation.

Numb.

Yet I must acknowledge
That when this ice cracks
And I shall be
Chilled to the bone
In pain,
I shall be glad.

At least then
I would feel
And, once again,

Be Human.








Usha, 16 February, '08

The Coming Together!

Joy
In the birdsong
At dawn;
In the little children's laughter
At play.

Faith
In the eye that waits
To see the homecoming;
In the anticipation
Of a smile coming one's way.

Hope
As that angel,
Hidden, yet guiding, always;
With a knowledge of a light
At the tunnel's end.

And Love-
Yes, Love, that culmination
Of emotion, glad and sad.
That surrender,
To the soul,
And soulmate.

It was with an
Unextinguished hope,
And the certain faith,
That I found that
Simple Joy-
When Love came calling,
With you.

As you!




Usha, 5 February, '08

Incognito

Softly, so softly
I tiptoe out
Of myself.

One cannot be
Too careful
I caution myself.

What if
A kindred soul
Sees a mirror image
Nigh?

Dear me;
Unthinkable!

So many years
Had I been
Incognito
(to myself too?)
I wonder, would I
Recognize myself?

But the one inside
Shorne of disguise
Will scarce hold back.

It's been so long-
And I give in.

No more I and me.

It's only sheer coincidence
Of course?
That I find you there,
Waiting
Wanting
After all these years;

Simply you.




Usha, 4 February, '08

What If...

If that moment had been
Delayed, by just that
Infinitesimal second;
I know, I would have seen you.

If that plea had been
Received, just that bit
More openly, all that unspoken
Pain, and questions...

You know, I would have been
A better human.

If my hand had reached out
And held on to yours-
Perhaps you'd have regained
Your footing; and then, for sure
I know, we'd have been blessed.

Sadly, all I can say now is-

What If...



Usha, 7 Febraury, '08

Untitled

I surprise
me
with the
strength of
love;
the sureness
of believing
in the wonder
of you.
as you do
in
correlating.
me and you
in entwined
fragrances.
a soul
split in
two
with me
with you
in love and
in life
with one
soul
till always
after..

and some.


Usha, 12 June, '91

You Are...

You are to me
that soft
moonlight
that merges
sky and sea
and land
with no horizon;
leading me
on in a continuum
of love.
Only love.

You are to me
the sunlight
sparkling off
gentle waves
in a diamond-
burst of
brightness;
lightening each
dark corner of
my heart.

You are to me
the gold
at the end of
the rainbow
of my love.


Usha, 17 July, '92

At a Concert, one evening...

Holding onto that last breath
that dying note

delivering it with such life;

a tone that Eternity promised,
in its gift of the Infinite;

Of the priceless
the invaluable;

The cadence of deliverance!


Usha, 1983

Beside You

Every evening,
every night-
through the endless
darkness, that abounds,

is the light that
gently surrounds me
in thoughts of your love.

Every evening,
every night-
though distance separates
seemingly impossible to bridge
the yawning gap..

together are our
hearts and souls;
already merged, the
moment we met!

Knowing us
loving and laughing;
crying, because we share,
trusting, no need to bare;
for each other we'd always be there!

In life and beyond-
don't look, I'm there..
As you must know,
just where I should be..

Right beside you!


Usha, 25 May, '07

Happiness

Happiness?
Is that the ultimate aim?
Does life culminate,
climax, to explode
into the loud pandemonium
of a breathless euphoria?

The sun shines warmly
accepting its innate loss;
gloriously, gratefully almost
giving away heat.

I feel a loss, but feel again
Life's paradoxes balance.
While i realise a pain
I know of added happiness.

Happiness and euphoria
become synonymous,
after a while of give and take.

For emotions starved
a pinch of happiness is
a pinch of euphoria.

Usha, 30 Jan, 84

Nature's Silence

After the noisy chatter of rain
and the resonant thunder
silence falls noticeably.

At times it seems electrifying-
Tiny noises from crickets...
the whir of a moth's wings...
water dripping off parapets
into puddles...
a leaf scuttling crisply
in the noiseless breeze...

They magnify the silence!

At times it seems eerie-
a lone owl hooting mournfully...
bats' wings flapping...

They intensify the silence!

Loud speakers' jarring noises
pierce the silence..

Yet,
somehow even through it all
the quietude seems prevalent.

The mighty silence seems
almost a sentinel of nature.



Usha, 5 Jan. '83

Mon Cher

Till you came along
self-confidence was just
another word in the
dictionary
to me.

A sense of fulfillment
enveloped me when you
settled down in the
softest corner of my heart!

And suddenly-
the sun had flecs of gold scattered
in its pool of light;
the clouds never lost their
magical silver lining;
the wind seemed to speak to me.

Never did creative inspiration
seem so rich
so satisfying.

In your eyes
I saw myself.
Discovered me.

You found me-
and through you
I learned to look at myself
as a person;
as a wanted, loved person.


Usha 21 May, '83

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish
We'd never met
and fallen under
Love's spell.

I would have accepted
my lot, my
boring lot;
and been contented,
perhaps?

Never go to the
raging depths of
despair,
or reach for
passion's heights
by just thinking
of you...
And remembering!

But then again,
having loved...

Is there anything
that compares
with such total
feeling?
Body and mind
and
heart and soul
fused with one
emotion...

Most times I'm
glad I love.



Usha, 16 November, '92

A Brooding Green

A brooding green?
Dark. Sombre.
Or a fresh, moist, earthy green?

It is ahead-
this expanse of uncertainty.

The rain has fallen-
Seems like an inspiration;
A cleansing agent,
spraying coolness
a heat chaser!

Doused by the cold water
I try to be rational-
cool and untouched like the
rain-rinsed sylvan expanse
ahead.




Usha, 5 Jan, '82

Us

Belief in myself
Faith in the ONE
And
My Trust in you...

There isn't any
greater power...

There isn't any
deeper love...

There isn't any
surer happiness...

And

There isn't any
Stronger bond...

Than Us!



Usha, 20 June, '02

Ode II

I don’t know the names of the
flowers that grow unnoticed in the
corner of the graveyard.
But I know them well.

I’ve seen them pushing
forth from the ground
as tender, tiny wisps of green.

I’ve seen them gain
an almost tangible
assurance, confidence…

Their tiny buds shyly
flower..
Stay for a day or two and
Quietly, so quietly die.

An everyday story of life.
Like yours.

Just as your spirit
nourished my soul,
perhaps your body now
nourishes those flowers-
for they grow right above
and from you.

10 December, ‘85

Untitled

In the darkness of
the Eclipse
at the height of
noon-

From
hot, searing
To
cold, dispassionate!

The heaviness

of non existence

can be so painful.

Thank God, however,

Eclipses don't last!

Usha, 20, May, 2007

Isolation...no more

Conflicts, thoughts, emotions
swirled around in me, in a
forceful frenzy-
paralyzing me for an eternal instant;
hurting me, crushing me...
mocking my reverence for Life.

The storms of these painful feelings
alienated me from everyone-
leaving me lonely, to face the world
Desolately.

All around me eyes gazed
with obvious contempt and blank unreason
for letting my heart get better of my head.

Disillusioned and broken, I drifted away
to seek comfort.
But the strands of friendship I clung to
seemed like illusions
snapping easily..
leaving me in a void.

And then you appeared-
like the first star on my horizon!
With a child-like naivety, I wished on you-
and miraculously, I regained my Faith in Life!

Yes, you drew me to the eye of my hurricane.

Usha, 3 November, '81

Mirror

Mirror

When I need to see myself
I look at you, your eyes;
or speak to you..

Your responses are
the answers to myself.

You are
to me
a mirror..
reflecting my depth, instinct
intuition.
Myself. My soul.

I am
as it were
just a fragment of
your totality
that makes us whole.



Usha, 22 June, '83

Utopia

Utopia

Just
as a boat treads water smoothly
as a bird flies weightlessly
so i move in my unconscious self-

Basking in an exquisite feeling
which has no pretence
of speed
of weight
of tangibility...

Sensations predominate
feelings surpass actions
in my immobile movement
thru' my
spaceless
timeless
Journey in my
Utopia of being!

Usha, 22 Jan. '82

Down Memory Lane...

To that strain
of a faint echo..

A familiar melody
of long ago..

My heart dances
in delight!

As from the world
of silence in a
concrete jungle
to the soulful cacophony
of nature..

Or to a deaf mute
given a miracle of
sound, spectacular –

I re-discover a magic
strumming the chords of a
harp in my heart.

Finding solace in
memories of music
of long ago..

A tingling of goose bumps
In melodies so dear-

A quiet on my soul
in harmony with myself..

That’s what that trip
down memory lane -
in music so dear -
just gifted me!!

Usha...3 May 07, before dawn..:)

I love...

A sprinkle of stardust,
Tinsel and glitter on a
Christmas tree.
A profusion of wild flowers
on grassy banks....

Whispers of a satin night.
Softly falling showers of rain.
The warm sun on my back;
The light breeze thru' my hair...

Foamy waves lapping about
my ankles;
The reverberating roar
of the sea.

Pale Pink and
chocolate brown-

And you-
I love.



Usha, 18 June '86

Moment lost forever…

A little girl stood
beside her
Arms outstretched.
Demanding, commanding
Carry me.

She looked down
from the curtains
she was pinning.
Not now dear. Busy, you see?

The moment passed.
The little girl stepped back.
Forever. It was one too many times.
Not again, ever, would she ask.

And she. Waiting to finish,
to pick her up and cuddle.
Impatient, finding her, at last –
In the tree house,
busy with her family.

She. Arms outstretched
eyes pleading in apology.

Not now, Mama. Busy, you see??

Usha, 30 April, ‘07

First Day - Std. I - (Lessons for the Teacher!)

A new year, and fifty
bright, sunny faces-
washed squeaky clean.
Looking in askance.

I smile, as I walk in.
The sun dims a little,
patches of clouds building up-
a thunder storm in the making.

Knowing I’m the demi-god
(read demon!)
who made it happen-
I know I need to switch roles..

Cross the divide
(The Teacher’s Table)
And be one with the Dew Drops-
with them this precious moment.

Be not the wind,
but the water – adapt, carry and flow!

For it is in the child’s laughter
That the lessons of life are best learnt!

Usha, 30 May, '07

Winsome Wiles

Ooooh! it hurts
I say , winsomely.

Hmmmm... and am I
the cause? you ask
indulgently...

You know, don't you?
Coquettishly..

But I haven't done a thing!
And I'm a hundred miles away!!

That's easy for you to say!
Its your weight I have to bear!

Oh my! but I can't,
you see, shift my weight;

Because

You've wrapped me tight
'round your little finger!!!

Usha, 29 April, '07

Billet doux

In a world which
deems it right
that each one maintain oneself-

I am hopelessly yours.

This affliction;
this deep sense of inevitability;
this joy and pain: contradicting and combining..

This totality in giving myself
This....

This they call my insensibility.

Reason, logic, sense of rightness or wrong
fade out in an aura
of an intense purposefulness
to be yours.

For my mind and soul, that I cannot posses
For my body: the only thing I posses-

I give you myself.

My relentless love impales any querulous cautioning
of my mind.

I am
Insensibly

Yours.....

Usha, 30 June, '83

Billet doux [French] : Love Letter:)

Sunsets

A smile lingers on her face,
fading slowly, gently;
she remembers
Sunsets - the golden sun
leaving and dipping down
the horizon.
Slowly -
not wishing to go -
But leaving her the
promise of another day.

The smile fades
and disappears
As the cloak of night
Envelops her -
Protecting her
sensitive eyes
from the filth and squalor -

At least, for a night.

Usha, 22 January, '82

The Virgin Earth

She shimmered Midnight blue Aqua green,
And glinted silver off her voluptuous bosom!
He could not but cast A covetous look;
The sly gleam-
Turning a thick haze of Poisoned intent.

More intense he grew
As his desire warmed,
and raged, and spewed out-
Racing to intercept, Devour and Ravish!

But Lo! She lay Shielded,
her grace protected-
a cocoon of cotton candy clouds
cloaked completely
His cunning came to naught!

Lustful peek horror,
beauty ravished!
Dark blemishes found in the beautiful blue,
weary wrinkles in the whiteness of her skin,
Bald patches in the verdant green...

Was this the beauty that charmed him?
Indeed! Where within lay the rancour,
Unforgiving and ruthless demon,
Who can thus plunder?
Where nothing remains?

Scars of the scourge,
The heartless pillage of Man;
Not even the fiercest gamma ray
Could come close:
Not one is there,
as this transcient One:

This Pillager
This Pretender
This Poison!


This one is composed along with three other poets, Sashu, Sri [aka P.] and Leenuka. There were four different posts, and this was my contribution..:) The name of the write, I do believe is Sri's...
29 Oct, '07

Yours

For golden sunbeams
For silver raindrops
For lilac-mauve horizons
For cotton candy clouds
For creamy frothy waves
For the tangible invisibility of the wind
For many hued flowers
Emerald green grass, with dewdrops on their tips
For the softness of beach sands...

And most of all
For your presence
For your life..

My gratitude!




Usha, 3 February, 1984

A Forever Love

A Forever Love

Ticklish and tender
His fingers played
Around my neck!

His breath warm
And smelling of love.
I felt him smile
softly and wetly!

I couldn't help
but hold him close
And cuddle and laugh!

Rejoicing in the gurgle
of a reply-
I wondered:

Was there any greater joy
Than holding your baby
Warm and cozy;

And wrapping each other
With that indescribable
Cloak of love?






Usha, 8 November, '07

The Twain

Of course
The twain shall never meet!

Despondent, an unnamed
Niggling, corroding despair

Gnaws-

Of course.

The writing on the wall;
Clearly, the rise before the fall.

I should have seen
it coming.

And so I shall wait-
And continue...

Do as my heart bids me.

My innocent, foolish self.
Without guile, pretence
Or loathing.

My heart waits.
As it has been taught to.




Usha, 31 October, '07
.

Untitled

.
They said:
Time heals wounds of the soul.
I have yet to believe that.

The seconds move on
Relentlessly
Painfully
Without respite;

Without a breather
A vacuum to suspend
Myself - alone -
To forget and forgive:
If possible.

Time has passed
Since the day
You broke my life-
And,
No matter what
The wound deep inside
Within my soul
Is still raw.


Usha, 10 December '86

For a Daughter I Wish I'd Had!!!

Audacious smiles

laughter ringing clear-
warm hugs and
little sudden pecks on my cheeks!

A whirlwind of a girl;
now here, gone in a flash!
endearing entreaties-
unquestioning love!

Long long hours of girlish talk-
boys, books, heroes and men!
Life, love, trust and THAT!

Confiding giggles-
while ogling the boys...;)
summing them up, then
walking by in disdain!!

Cheering her up
when sadness strikes-
being there for her...
just in case, she asks!

Holding her hand-
without her knowing..
as only moms can do;
though she, being mine,
would know it too...!!!

Sharing myself with her-
my fears, my joys
my secrets, and my ploys-

Ending the day in warmth
so wonderful
so fierce and filling..

Wishing each mother had
a daughter..
so like mine!!


19 June, '07

Still...

Depression was supposed
to be a thing
of the past;
Till I realized
Today,
After yesterday
And yesterday...

How much,
How painfully,
I miss you.

And emotions
Gushing so uncontrollably
from deep within,

Tell me
Just how
Little I knew
How Much

I love you.

Still.



Usha, 12 April, '86