Persona non grata

The me in I
I sometimes don't like...

She admits too
freely... too easily

How lost we are
without you.

She pulls the
carpet from under

In her disclosure;
her insecurity.

Hush! I console her.
She sulks.

Embarrassment;
Fidgety hands...
She shows herself.

For long
had I thought
I was strong, without you.

Till the me inside,
Persona non grata
From the other strata
re-entered, unfettered!



Usha, 31 March, 07

Imprints

A face that crumbles
into indecipherable letters
on a faded yellow paper.

A heart that melts into
ink, flowing mindlessly
unthinkingly
apologetically.

Eyes that chisel your form
out of the air and will
you to live.

The mouth moves in spasms
of agony
calling you.

Senses,in perfection
scent the undeniability
the inevitability, of your
absence.

A face that is etched
in my memory -

Unforgivably.
Almost.



Usha, 21 July, '84

Colour me...

Not the pink
in peach, or the dawn
Of the first faint blush, the first crush.

Not the red
in crimson, or purple
Of the passion, in the first touch.

Not the gold
in the sunlight, or the flowers bright
Of the slow, slow deepening love.

Or the silver
in crystal, or its brilliance
Of gently, gently drawing me into you.

And not the black
in its warmth and intimacy of night
of our our togetherness.

Not the blue or green
in skies, in fields
Of our merging at the horizon of life....

You colour me
With a promise greater than a vow.

You colour me
With the colour of you.



Usha, 23 April '07

My Roman Holiday!

Quite by accident
I stepped out of
my straitjacket...

And astounded
myself at
my temerity.

Incognito.
A translucent
cloak for its
misty aura,

I surrender myself
with a gypsy's heart
to collect a wealth
of memories
to hoard away!

And all the while
I know-
I'll have to
step back.

The straitjacket's
waiting.

So it cannot
last.
Of course.

Like a leaf
from a book
I'll never write...

My Roman Holiday.


Usha , 19 April, '07

*********************
Inspired by the film, "Roman Holiday", starring Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck:)

Inviolate...

The world is too much with me-
What business does it have
Seeking explanations,clarifications
Aiding manipulation, conflagration...

Why doesn't it let me be...?

Why does it stifle, niggle,
Poke and push..?
Pretend to perceive pernicious portents?

Maybe because I'm me -
Unbending, intractable, inviolate
Living by my truth alone
In essence, in His presence!


Usha, 26 March, '07

Reaffirmation

I love, so
I live.

In myself
with thoughts of you.

In you
my destiny.

For reaffirmation
of a soul that
merged with yours

Because, in no other
way would you
know...

I love... you.


Usha, 31 March, 07

Fait Accompoli

Lightning rips open
the sky with the accompaniment
of thunder -

The show begins..

A homeless young girl
raises her face towards the sky
a strange glow lights her eyes...
the rain lashes her body
as
she shivers in ecstasy-

Wind and thunder..
She knows this is her cue:
and waits for the moment.

A jagged bit of blue lightning
shoots down at her;
she receives it with open arms

and

from somewhere deep within
her soul tears free
off her naivety,
and soars to the heavens.

There is a stillness.
Through the rain rinsed aura
is seen
A rainbow and a lone star.


Usha, 18 April, '83

Growing old together...

Today is just
another day.

Waking, greeting
my life, and the
early morning sun.

Doing Yoga
walking
working
Together...

Sitting back
to reflect
Eighty-nine years
on...
And most spent
Together...

Remembering your
promise...
We'll grow old
Together!

Our nestlings have
flown -
found their mates
(and we hope)
to grow old together


And then again, here we are
On the threshold of another
moment...... together.

At night,
held close in
the warm embrace
of your love...
I smile and begin
to ask-


Remember?
The promise...

Shush! he whispers
His eyes glowing
His face crinkling into
happiness...

Don't you feel it?
We're growing young together!!

In the strength of
his love, our love,
I smile, into his shoulder...

Yes, today was just another
beautiful day... together!


Usha, 12 April, 07

Time crawls

In the distant realms
of painful thoughts

Time crawls.

Through an emptiness-
a nothingness of
missing you...

inching forward
irrevocably
and relentlessly

Dragging me deeper
into a mire of
helplessness
of hopelessness.

Time crawls...

menacingly

unforgivably....


Usha, 2003

Vows

Was it only yesterday?
When we pledged true
love- our mind body and
soul to each other.

And slowly with each
changing season of
life-
from the hot passionate
warmth of summer,
scorching any doubt of
affection or suspicion;
the relentless, irrevocable
momentum of inertia
took us forward to
this autumn of our
union, as we watch....

like dead, withered
leaves, each promise
each vow
forsaken and trod
underfoot -
as we watch...

a little coldness envelop
the heart in our
progress towards the
cold bleak winter of
this bond;
with no hope of
spring ahead?


Usha, 24 April, '87

each word...

each word is a
gasp of pain
torn from a soundless
mouth
which speaks....

only...

nobody hears...

The muted sounds
transform

At least you can
see -
can't you?


Usha, 17 March, '84

No Matter What!

No Matter-
That all my life
I'll have to wait for you...

No Matter-
Maybe, that it will
Take another lifetime, maybe more...?

No Matter-
My heart will pump, and recycle,
Beating in the hope of greeting yours!

As a matter of fact-
What does it matter at all-
I ask myself;
When,
I know you're in the same soup
Of Existence, that really doesn't matter!

So what's this hogwash all about
You wonder...?
Nothing much, but everything in entirety,
That really matters!
What, of course, I'm trying to say
Is simply this:

We'll meet-
For sure!

No matter what!!



Usha, 20 January, 2008

The Flip Side

The flip side of Love
You say-
Is the pain.

Does Love ever guarantee
No-pain-no-risk-no-tears?
Did it Ever?

The Happiest of Lovers,
Star-Crossed ones too
Will vouch for this:

Love Hurts, because you love;
Because only Love can Hurt!
And only Love can be the Salve
That soothes the hurt!

Don't worry, that is the flip side;
So, when you love,
Stay Sunny-side Up!
And fear not, if the
Coin does flip:
Remember,
All you've got to do
Is flip yourselves over
And Leap, once more

Into Love's Arms!



Usha, 20 January, 2008

Love, Listen....

Why do you never listen
To all the things I don't say?

And

Why, my love, do I have to listen
To all that I already know?

And

Why, I ask myself, do I subject myself
To experiences, each designed to implode...

And...
Yet,

With all this, I give thanks
for the benediction of a heart,

That still feels
That still loves
That still knows

No matter what.

One that, with each implosion
Simply rearranges, and recreates
Into a heart..

That will never stop loving you.



Usha, 8 January, '08

An Interval

The road home
today
seems to take so long.

I keep seeing you
in that empty seat-
Excited?
Or was it just another
Cover-up?

It's so hard to believe
The days flew by,
And again, it's that
Time of the Season...

Au revoir you murmur;
And you smilingly salute!
I just love it when you do that....

With a sigh now
I unlock the front door,
Oblivious to the frenzy
Of the ecstatic dogs-

I don't notice the
Aftermath of the tornado
that struck, as you packed!

Au revoir I whisper,
Into the empty home...
And wonder-

Could you not leave
Without going away?



Usha, 16 December, '07